[20] Seperti Asing di Tempat yang Seharusnya Tidak Asing


With all my confused, frustrated and sad one,

For D - my best friends, who feels no true joy, I am writing to you as someone who does not want to feel afraid, and yet, you may well know about myself. Hey, D. We both knew that there are people around who love me. There is at least one; one who would do anything for me to feel valued, worthy, precious, happy, and the person is you, D.

Selama ini saya menghilang. I was afraid because sometimes the path is dark... The path is twisted, unexpected and strange. I end up feeling perplexed and desiring a feeling of relief; and this feeling of relief, I suppose sometimes, comes from resignation or denial.

D, I'm here already and I wish I know how to tell you why I’m feeling depressed but the truth is I don’t fully understand myself. One thing I’m often asked is, “how do I tell you about how I feel when I don’t even know how I feel myself?” also I know at times I feel totally empty, as if every particle of my being has been sucked into a black hole. At other times I feel crushed, my spirit devoid of human warmth, and these are feelings I simply cannot control. I often feel exhausted by the simplest of tasks. Poor me.

D, The time has come for me to move on from the past. I don’t come to this decision lightly, however, but now that I’m older, I’ve finally realized that there’s a world of difference between living happily ever after and just living ever after. I may seem strong. But I’m not I’m just like anyone else. Now I can’t stand this empty feeling that I’m having. My head is horrible. I hope I can stop the pounding, it hurts so much. Please pray for me. I’m tired of trying.

Don't worry, It's not a suicides letter. I still remember your words, "Be sure of God’s omnipotence. He is Creator of all and holds all in His hands."

But the important things I would say in this letter is,

Can we meet?



Always yours,
Zi.

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